Angels Among Us

I have rewritten this paragraph about 1O times this morning already, not really sure how to start it.  So I am just going to get to the point.  My friend Monica, who passed away this winter has been visiting Mackenzie on a regular basis.  Ok so now that I said that, I guess I need to explain some things.  Monica was a very good friend of mine who helped me get through 3 miscarriages before I became pregnant with Mackenzie.  When I was pregnant, Monica checked on me all the time, knowing that this little girl was a miracle from God.  The day I went into labor with Mackenzie was the day after Monica's breast cancer surgery.  I was supposed to go visit Monica in the hospital that morning with my friend Beth, until Beth convinced me the "cramps" I was having were contractions and I better get to the hospital.

So from that day forward, Monica used to tell me she had a special connection to Mackenzie, she always gave her an extra special hug and smile whenever we saw her.  Mackenzie knew her as "Moni".  So as Monica battled cancer, Mackenzie got to see her less and less.  This fall was a very rough time for Monica, and we kept our distance, per her request.  Mackenzie was having her 2nd birthday party with Santa in December and wanted to invite her, so I did.  I thought she would reply No, but wanted to let her know she was being thought of.  I was shocked to get an rsvp of yes!  So that night, Monica got to her party, and sat in a special chair next to Santa all night.  I know it took everything in her to make it to that party that night.  It was the last night I ever saw my friend, she passed a little over a month later. 
But for some reason, after that party, Mackenzie started asking to pray for Monica. She would randomly say Mommy, lets pray for Moni. I can't explain it, and after months of trying to understand how she knew that she needed prayers, I have found no answer.  So we would pray for Moni.  This continued until the week Monica passed away.  That week she was even more persistant about praying and the day Monica passed away, she told me she was really sick and got very upset and cried.  I said it would be ok and God would take care of her, she just wouldn't settle down. Within a few hours of that I got the call from John to tell me she had passed.  Of course it was devastating news, and hit me harder then I ever thought it would.  Mackenzie never asked to pray again, I don't know how she knew that the prayers were answered but somehow she did. 

So the past few months she has talked about Monica and some silly things around the house has happened. She asked for her Moni bear, the bear Monica & John gave her at her party.  I went to the playroom to get it,since I knew I would have to get it out of the big tote and she couldn't reach it. It was right on top, and I know it wasn't the night before.  So little things like that kept happening, and Mackenzie started talking about Monica again like she was a friend she saw all the time.  Until one day when I was driving home from Wegmans and drove down her street.  Mackenzie pointed to her house and said Monica.  I was shocked that she knew that, but in return said Yes,that is where Monica lived.  I made a comment about her not being there anymore, and she said Yes, Monica is here.  I quickly turned around in the car and said what?  She pointed over her shoulder and said Mommy. Moni is right here.  I didn't answer.  I said why do you think that, she said Moni said She is all better now.  I honestly and truly was chilled to the core. She then told me that Monica said it was white and snowing.  I assure you that I try to teach Mackenzie about Jesus and church but there is no way she would have ever known that heaven is described at times by people as being white or the like.  I got home, shaken, and asked her to tell Daddy what she saw.  She repeated that Monica was there and said she was all better now, and it was white and snowing.  Steve's draw dropped too.

I told a few people and I am sure they thought I was crazy.  Over the past few weeks, she has had more encounters with Monica. She had one night where Monica told her she was home making dinner for "the boys", they were downstairs and she was calling them for dinner,then she made them cookies.  Another day Monica came to visit and wanted to go swimming, in her green suit.  Mackenzie said need a swim diaper.  I said hunny Monica doesnt need one, and so matter of factly she said "No Mommy. I do when I go swimming with her" 
I don't know what your beliefs are or how you explain these visits, but I do know that Mackenzie finds NOTHING abnormal about seeing and talking to Monica. She has no barrier to not believe it is possible, and maybe that is why she can talk to her.  I cry thinking about all the things I have missed talking to Monica about.  I wish she had been able to meet Skylar, but now maybe she has.  I miss telling her how amazing her hubby and sons have been, but again I think she has seen it.

I find myself wondering why?  Why did she choose Mackenzie to talk to, Why didn't she choose an adult, Why is it random times?  And I have come to realize that 1. what adult would be open enough to accept it, 2. Random times..how would an angel really schedule a visit? 3. And maybe Mackenzie because she truly did have a connection that would last through longer then either ever knew possible.

So today I leave you with the thought of...do you believe in angels among us?  I don't think I ever thought about it as much as I do now. I wonder what Monica is thinking, and wonder how wide she is smiling when she sees her sons being so successful in all they do.  I do know one thing...that I realized that she truly is here watching down on us, and maybe just maybe she has access to the internet and can read this blog, ha!  Although she was never good at emailing back lol  She was definitely a more in person friend.

And as for John, Matt, Andrew and Cara....don't you doubt for a minute that you have a guardian angel....remember it was right outside of your house that Mackenzie saw her.  That I know for sure wasn't an accident.  And John, no doubt she is swimming in that pool whenever she can!

Quick note... Today I saw a post on FB from an old friend about her blog...so being ever so curious about everyones blogs, I clicked it.  It has truly changed my day...the whole idea about the blog is to "be a part of an email gratitude list with these guidelines: list 5 things I’m feeling gratitude for today, leave names out - initials only, and conclude with a prayer for the day"   As she states,  "One side effect of these gratitude lists is that I find myself going through the day, trying to find things that I feel gratitude for. It's a fabulous way to go through a day". I so agree, So at the end of every blog I will sign my blog with 5 things I am grateful for that day and a mini prayer.

My Gratitude List...
1. Thankful to JJ for showing me this awesome idea!
2. Thankful for Malvern Fire Co for hosting such a fabulous fair for local families!
3. Thankful for my 9O Day Weight Loss Group...you guys have inspired me!
4. Thankful for SC, who goes to work every day and finds a way to love and cherish us every night.
5. Thankful for MA, reminding me that friends are important and to make sure to enjoy them and take time for them.

Dear God: Today I ask that you take care of all the guys and girls working the fair this week in the heat.  I ask that you take special care of my Mom who is spending the week at my sisters house sitting. I worry about her while she is away.  I also pray that my little Skylar girl's belly aches and digestive issues go away.  Amen